Judging change

I've been thinking about change. Specifically, change in a person. You see, the thing is, we've always been taught that a leopard can't change it's spots, if a person does something once they'll always do it again... yada yada yada. And we always judge someone based on what they've done in the past. If they've cheated, they'll cheat again. If they're lazy, they'll always be lazy. If they've been mean, they'll always have that mean streak. We also judge based on their history. An example: 'Ahhh. he's like that because he had an abusive dad. It stems from his childhood so it's immersed in his subconscious and he'll probably beat all his kids as well.'

You get my drift. It seems we've always been led to believe the worst when it comes to our fellow mankind, or even ourselves. I can't count the number of times I've berated myself for every mistake I've made, and wondering why I couldn't be a better person. I'd think back to every single thing I've done along the same lines and label myself all kinds of bad things.

Which is ironic because we've also always been taught that change is the only constant in life. If history is anything to go by, we're all doomed. But even countries change - Germany is no longer the evil, machiavellic force it used to be. Economies change - the once poor China has risen like the dragon. So, if entities that consist of billions of people can collectively affect positive change, why is it that so often we can't even believe that a single person has the capacity to be better?

I read once that the best way to look at someone is just to see them as they want to present themselves. And I couldn't agree more. So often, I've looked at a wonderful person in front of me and wonder what their dirty little secrets are, and searched or probed for a weakness that could break that wonderful image that is 'on show'.  The number of times I've bitchily commented that 'ahh... these nouveau riche who are buying Chanel bags but who don't have the class and breeding to carry it are so lame.' But what is the point though? If someone who's overcome a lifetime of poverty and has now the means to spend and decides to change their entire wardrobe, who am I to criticize? Same goes for the playboy who had a history of womanizing but who's decided to settle down and be a good husband. Is it so hard to believe that he's a changed man? And how about that housewife who was a stay at home mum for 10 years suddenly turning into a high flying corporate go-getter? THAT change can't be denied.

I've changed a lot in the past 32 years. And I like to think that every single day I've changed to be a little better than I was the day before. I love that the hubs (who knows all my skeletons in the closet) looks at me like I'm the most amazing woman alive because he chooses to see me for the good person I try to be at this very moment. Because those skeletons are just that. Dead skeletons laid to rest, which should have no life or power over me nor anyone else they belong to.

People can change, because I know I've changed. And what a wonderful world this would be if we all looked at each other with less judgement and more encouragement. If we saw everyone for the change they want to be. If we saw ourselves for the change we want to be.